I had a dream, the hospital rang us to say that Jack was alive, they'd taken him from the morgue and all he needed was to be warmed up. i posted on fb that a miracle had happened and Jack would be coming home after all. i got my things together and left for the hospital. i felt so so so indesribably happy.
Ive felt that happyness before, the day i found out i was pregnant with each of my children, the day we found out that Jack was a Jack and not a Grace, and the day the girls were born.
The kind of happyness the completely envelops you and nothing can touch u.
I got to the hospital and could hear a baby crying in the distance, my Jack was calling for me.
It wasnt Jack, it was Izzy hollering for a midnight cuddle. I felt deflated, sad and empty. I went to Iz and layed down with her on the couch and sobbed. She cuddled me and rubbed my back and kept saying ok mummy ok. She's not even 2 yet.
Stupid fucking dream.
I have some things going on with my family, i've made decisions that they arent going to like, but it is how it is, i dont really care anymore. It's going to make my life hell but its not my fault if they dont understand it.
