5 months since our boy left us. 2 month of trying and we have exciting news.
on CD 9 i caved stupidly and tested, slight bfp, but so feint i hardly counted it. CD 10, same thing. CD 11,12,13 Bfn's, feeling very very disheartened.
CD 14, the day AF is due, theres no sign of the wicked witch, so i test, bfn again.
i cry, why is my body working AGAINST me, where is my period FFS!!! hurry up and come so we can get moving onto the next cycle and closer to our rainbow baby. Every time i feel moisture down below my heart sinks and i begrudgingly drag myself to the loo to check, but theres nothing. i have no signals shes coming, and no signals that im pregnant either, its all too frustrating.
CD 15, again no af,WTF IS GOING ON!!!! i did a hpt, went and made a coffee and came back in to check the result fully expecting another negative, but i wasnt, it was faint, but clear. I smile and then burst into happy tear, i havent cried happy tears in a long time and i just couldnt stop, my whole body was shaking, i tried to msg the BFF but it just wasnt happening! i got there in the end.
So here we go again, the baby that was never meant to be here has been concieved. Have we done the right thing? who knows, but its nice to feel happy again. I worry this baby will one day find out that it would never hve been if its big brother hadnt of died, i wonder how it will react? getting a bit ahead of myself here, we need to get it earth side before worrying about those things!
But for now, its tiny heart beats and thats all i can ask for :)
oh and ive got my money on it being a girl!
